So to have some fun (and because I'm still irked about the bail out), I asked around and got people to help me brainstorm totally epic ways that you could just blow $700 billion. Here are the best five responses (followed by a list of the other ones):
With 700 billion dollars you could pay the world's ransom and save it from Dr. Evil seven times over!
Or you could buy 700,000 nights with Demi Moore. Seriously! 700,000 nights at a million bucks a night!
You could literally buy the world a coke. A coke for every man, woman, and child with tons of money left over.
With $700 billion dollars you could probably build your own chocolate factory with a chocolate waterfall to mix the chocolate, genetically engineered oompa-loompas that are trained to dance and sing, and dishes that you can even eat!
You could buy one (freaking) million of these:
...and have enough money left over to fill them each up with hundreds of iPhones, set them on fire, and then have the biggest, awesomest, most obscenely wasteful monster-truck rally in the history of the world.
The other ones (feel free to add your ideas in the comments thread!):
Buy all of America a round of drinks.
Buy the entire world a round of drinks.
Import soil and snow to build a ski resort in the middle of the desert in Arizona.
Build a house on the moon.
Start some more wars.
Buy a country.
Buy an ocean.
Genetically engineer polar bears.
Paint all of the roads pink.
Distribute pamphlets to everyone about how to speak Ebonics.
Saran wrap every family and household's cars and toilet seats.
Turn the Autobahn in German into a giant treadmill.
Buy everybody in America a tuba.
Buy everybody in America weed.
Buy the whole world weed.
Buy everyone in America some Adderal.
Rebuild the WTC even bigger.
Stage a practice rapture.
Create real Pokemon and make them fight.
Build a time machine and warn everybody about the credit crunch (or Bush).
Buy $700 billion worth of fast food.
Oh yeah... and you could buy the world a ton of these: