Mind your business.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Islamic Jihad Recruiting Conference in Chicago This Monday?

Fox News is reporting
that earlier this week a potentially terrorist organization (or at least one that actively promotes Islamic Jihad) held a recruiting conference in Chicago:

Roughly 500 members of Hizb ut-Tahrir — a global Sunni network with reported ties to confessed 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and Al Qaeda in Iraq's onetime leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi — met inside a Hilton hotel in Oak Lawn, Ill., to host "The Fall of Capitalism and the Rise of Islam."


But some terrorism experts say Hizb ut-Tahrir may be even more dangerous than many groups that are on the State Departrment's terror list. "Hizb ut-Tahrir is one of the oldest, largest indoctrinating organizations for the ideology known as jihadism," Walid Phares, director of the Future of Terrorism Project at the Foundation for Defense of Democracies, told

Phares said that Hizb ut-Tahrir, rather than training members to carry out terrorist acts like Al Qaeda, focuses instead on indoctrinating youths between ages of 9 and 18 to absorb the ideology that calls for the formation of an empire — or "khilafah" — that will rule according to Islamic law and condones any means to achieve it, including militant jihad.

Whoa! If this group is actively supporting the replacement of our Constitutional government with an Islamic Caliphate, then I would have to say that according to our Constitution, that is an illegal act of subversion and possibly treason.

I'm a pretty huge fan of immigration, and it's an issue I tend to rub elbows with some other libertarians and traditional conservatives over, because I think we should more or less let anybody into our country who wants to come and work here and build a better life for themselves.

But if any of these folks aren't U.S. citizens, and they are in fact advocating the subversion of our government in favor of another one, then I would think those are probably the kind of people we have a legitimate interest in sending back to their countries of origin.

Islamic Recruiting Cracks Me Up

Having made that serious point, I now just have to laugh at how funny this is to me. A group that works to actively promote militant Islamic Jihad is recruiting at a conference in a hotel in Chicago? The juxtaposition seems really odd to me and produces a humorous effect.

Who planned the event, their human resources department? How would an interview with Al Qaeda for a job as a terrorist go? In my twisted imagination, something like this:

Interviewer: So how did you hear about us?

Applicant: I was referred by
Hizb ut-Tahrir after attending their conference in Chicago.

Interviewer: Ah yes. I see. Did you find the office okay?

Applicant: I guess I did a better job than the CIA!


Interviewer: That's great. I like to see applicants with a sense of humor. This a dirty business we're in, and it helps to be able to laugh at yourself and your enemies. Really, this is a people business. We're looking for applicants who we feel have the proper people skills and communication skills as well as the necessary tactical skills on the field. How well do you feel you can work with people?

Applicant: Very well. In my previous job as a pirate in the Indian Ocean and South Pacific, I was very polite while plundering people's boats and then sinking them. I also worked in human resources, which was difficult, because when we decided to let people go, I had to contact them and let them know they were out of a job. I think I handled it very well.

Interviewer: Good. I noticed that there's a pretty big time lapse between your pirate job and working as a janitor at the local Mosque. Tell me a little more about that.

Applicant: Oh yes, that was because of my pilgrimage to Mecca. And also my mother was very sick during that time, so I took some time off from work to take care of her. We had a lot of trouble getting our insurance to cover us. Damn HMOs.

Interviewer: Fair enough. What unique skills do you think you'd bring to the organization?

Applicant: I am a loyal Muslim. I love Allah very much. I also hate America and capitalism- obviously. What I'd bring to the organization is my cosmetics experience. You really need to do Osama bin Laden's make up a lot better before putting him in front of a camera. And his hair! Other than that, there's my devotion to destroying the infidel West and my willingness to die in that cause.

Interviewer: You'd be willing to die to kill infidels?

Applicant: Oh yeah. I'd have a blast doing it. I hear that I'd get plenty of virgins in Heaven as part of my retirement plan?

Interviewer: Absolutely. That's one of the perks. Well I definitely think you're what we're looking for. What I'm going to do is set you up with a second interview to come in and meet with our manager here to get some more information about the job.

Applicant: Thank you. Allah Ackbar!

Interviewer: Allah Ackbar!


  1. I think the interviewer would also ask about his ability to traverse monkey bars. They are always using monkey bars in terrorist training videos. Apparently that is quite important to them.

  2. LOL- you're RIGHT!! They are always using monkey bars in those videos.

  3. I am wondering exactly how do they intend to carry out terrorist attacks on U.S. soil?
    By crawling through the sewer system?

  4. I wonder if there are monkey bars in our sewer systems. If so- you two might be on to something!


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