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Friday, May 27, 2011

ROBAMA, The Cyborg President, Signs The Patriot Act Via AutoPen

"He's more machine now than man. His mind is twisted and evil." -Obi-Wan Kenobi, Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

The Birthers have had it wrong all along. We don't need to see Obama's birth certificate-- we need to see his manufacturer's certificate of origin. It would appear that our nation's president is more than just a man... he's a cybernetic organism: part human, part machine.

We suspected as much from the very beginning. Instead of just letting the human part give speeches alone-- even at elementary school events-- the president relied on the machine part of itself, the Teleprompter to give those speeches. It couldn't let the imperfect, error-prone human part do the work. The machine half had to take over and flawlessly deliver those carefully crafted li(n)es.

After the recent passage of the Patriot Act, we learned just how given over to his machine half President Obama really is. Even with his human side overseas in France, the president was able to sign the Patriot Act the night it was passed by Congress, using an as yet unknown part of his machine self: the AutoPen.

(hat tip: memeorandum)

The AutoPen is another machine part of Obama that signs his signature just as perfectly as if his human hand had signed it. Now there's no way that this AutoPen is a separate device, which is not part of Obama, otherwise, it would be totally unconstitutional to let it sign a bill into law for him. That's how we know Obama is a cyborg. Just read Article 1, Section 7 of the Constitution:

"Every Bill which shall have passed the House of Representatives and the Senate, shall, before it becomes a Law, be presented to the President of the United States; If he approve he shall sign it, but if not he shall return it..."

Since we know that it would be totally illegal for a machine to sign a bill into law, without the president even reading it, we can conclude that the AutoPen, like the Teleprompter, is actually a physical part of Obama. He's a cyborg, that just like Darth Vader, continues to lose more and more of his humanity to these robotic additions, which brings up a very important constitutional question:

Can cyborgs (so long as they were made in the United States of course) qualify to run for President of the United States? And was Obama really made here, or was he made in... Japan where they make all the robots?

Editor's note: Former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger could not be reached for comment.

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