Mind your business.

Saturday, August 19, 2017

Is The Eclipse a Message From God?

There's no such thing as a stupid question.

Let's just agree that we can't be sure it's a message from God.

And then ask ourselves:

"But what if it was?" for the sake of argument.

Well if it was definitely a message from God...

What do you think the message would be?

Okay well what if the first thing that flashed into your mind after you read that (if anything) actually was the message from God?

Might give you some critical insight to ponder that.

One thing that flashes into my mind is that we seriously don't have enough control over the Moon.

It's just flying around in circles up there willy nilly.

It's one of the few aspects of nature that mankind hasn't yet subdued, as we were ordered to do by God Himself.

And it's going and casting shadows on us while we're trying to go about our business!

Ya know?

Up there mocking us.

Did you know the Moon is drawing a big X over the United States?

No joke.

You can Google this if you don't believe me...

There's another total Solar Eclipse making its way over the United States seven years from now in 2024.

And it's going to criss cross the path of this one in an exact X.

So you've got the Moon up there laughing at us, crossing us off the map, mocking us!

There's only one way to show the Universe who's in charge here.

I think the message from God is clear:

God wants us to nuke the Moon.

"What, you're saying send a nuclear missile to the Moon?"

Yes, I'm saying send a nuclear missile to attack the Moon.

As a wise man once said:

"World peace cannot be achieved by sitting around on our duffs singing hippy songs to the moon. Peace can only be achieved through excessive acts of seemingly mindless violence."

It's a self evident truth really.

Consider a playground analogy:

Who do the bullies like to pick on?

Some unhinged freak who could easily snap for the most frivolous reason and irrationally savagely attack the nearest person?

Or a timid, harmless weakling?

And those are your only two choices really. If you're not the irrationally violent freak, then you're the harmless weakling.

Only two choices.

So here's what Donald Trump should do:

He should pick a country at random by spinning a globe and putting his finger on it with his eyes closed.

So long as they don't have nuclear weapons, we proceed. If they've got nukes, then spin again til we get the timid weakling.

Then he should pick the dumbest reason for an attack.

Something terrifyingly irrational.

Like: "Sorry Guam, we're going to take out every country that starts with the letter 'G' starting with you. I don't make the rules, but I do enforce them."

"But, but! We're not a country. We're a U.S. territory! We're U.S. citizens! Are you joking?"

"It's your own fault. Should have applied for statehood."

Then he should give the country one week notice that bombs are going to start dropping.

And after just 24 hours he should start bombing.

When the country's leader calls freaking out, Trump should clarify:

"No, I meant one week max. And by the way, I'm giving you one week notice for the ground invasion."

The first world leader who condemns the attack, Trump should just fire twenty cruise missiles at that country in response.


And then Trump should make a big announcement on television:

"And listen, everyone. Just to make sure you know we mean business. We're going to show you tomorrow what's going to happen to the next country that breaks the rules."

The shuttle would already be en route to land in 24 hours.

It would be carrying an armament of one hundred 25-megaton, uranium-encased, deuterium-tritium boosted, B41 bombs, the most powerful thermonuclear weapon ever fielded by the U.S.

That would leave us about 400 of these bad boys left to use back on Earth if we want to.

The next day, Trump tweets for everyone to go outside and look at the Moon.

The world looks up in horror and disbelief as a nuclear explosion visible with the naked eye lights up the surface of the Moon.

He tweets:

"That's one quick phone call to the Joint Chiefs of Staff for me, one giant nuclear explosion for the Moon."

Followed up by:

"USA! USA! USA! We're the first and only country land on the Moon. Now we're the first to nuke it. This truly is a historic day."


"Next disrespectful tweet I get from anyone... we're dropping bombs on Gambia."

Freedom fries

Now all kidding aside, I'll leave you with a serious message from God, since the eclipse is coming up...

When I asked myself, "If the eclipse were a message from God, what would the message be?"

What flashed through my mind was a quote by James Cameron that I read for the first time last year and have carried with me:

"The universe is like a giant bank vault lock, where the tumblers are constantly moving and once in a while the tumblers line up and you have to listen for the click. So you must be prepared in that moment to step through the door." -James Cameron

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