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Monday, December 18, 2017

[Trigger Warning] Micro-Sparring - The Art of Self-Defense Against Micro-Aggressions

[Trigger warning: micro-aggression discussed below]

Micro-aggressions happen every day.

They are the common-place, brief, and subtle dismissals, slights, and insults that constitute the casual degradation of socially marginalized groups.

Micro-aggressions are a 21st-century reenactment on a smaller scale of older, more severe forms of oppression and terrorism faced by minority groups.

But while they are subtle...

They are every bit as damaging in their effects on socially marginalized people.

We will not wait for social justice to just happen while we are vulnerable.

We will be prepared at all times to micro-defend ourselves against micro-aggressions, and this summary of micro-sparring principles serves as the first-of-its-kind guide to self-defense against micro-aggressions.

You could think of it as a real version of the Defense Against The Dark Arts class in the Harry Potter series’ Hogwarts School of Magic, except the very name of that class could be perceived as a micro-aggression.

And perceptions are reality. If an oppressed minority says they feel like they are being micro-aggressed, then they were!

But because the established norms of the privileged white male capitalist ableist cisgender heteronormative non otherwise inclusive patriarchy already dismiss and don’t take a marginalized person’s feelings into account, we must learn micro-defenses against micro-aggressions.

Like if a privileged person sitting next to you micro-hits you with a racist and ignorant micro-aggression, like [Trigger warning] “You’re the whitest black person I know.”

There is a way to respond to that to defend yourself against the oppressive degradation and negative energy that the oppressed person just received with every bit of force as a balled fist, and probably more.

If you want to learn how to defend yourself against the ruling patriarchy’s main tool of oppression, this guide will teach you micro-self-defense tactics and best practices that will keep you from any micro-harm.


[Trigger warning]

Let’s look at micro-sparring in the context of physical defense from an act of physical aggression.

The primary objective of self-defense is to prevent or minimize injury to yourself.

So micro-aggressions cause “micro” or emotional or social damage to a person.

The question of micro-self-defense is how to minimize that damage.

First would be a healthy and insulated head space. Reading movement literature is important in achieving this.

Also going to slam poetry readings by enlightened and tolerant artists.

[Trigger warning, mild curse word in the following paragraph]

Now any self-defense philosophy worth a damn will emphasize running away or neutralizing the situation instead of escalating. Trying to avoid conflict as much as possible.

But often this is not possible.

And the micro-aggressor is engaging in prolonged institutional conflict with the systemically marginalized.

While micro-aggressions are subtle, they are in fact obvious. While they are brief, they are in fact perpetual. While they are common-place, they are in fact unacceptable!

The Non-Sequitur

[Trigger warning]

One of the most powerful weapons to short circuit the brain of a micro-aggressor is the non-sequitur.

Something that makes absolutely no sense as a response to a micro-aggression (which itself makes absolutely no sense).

Which, in a way, that makes the most sense of all, micro-mirroring back a micro-aggressor’s micro-nonsense to them with a micro-rational non-sequitur.

So for example, say a white, privileged person comes up to you and says something ignorant and micro-aggressive like, [Trigger warning] "So you speak Asian right?”

One way to respond in micro-self-defense using the non-sequitur method would be to just slowly move closer to them, slowly wrap your arms around them, and start just [Trigger warning] kissing them.

Your micro-aggressor will be so confused and so uncomfortable because of that.

The discomfort will Pavlovianly micro-condition them to never say something so micro-horrifically ignorant again.

Now the key is to really commit to your response: when they try to slip out of your embrace, squeeze your arms around them even tighter and just start sloppily kissing them all over their face.

Then start [Trigger warning] yelling out loudly, and the key here is to be really loud and make a scene to embarrass them:

Start [Trigger warning] yelling out in a stereotypical Asian accent from like a 1950s movie, "ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! ME LOVE YOU A LONG TIME, BIG GUY!”

Now you may have thought to yourself as you were reading that, that what I just suggested was actually [Trigger warning] a sexual assault, a not very micro-aggressive response to your micro-aggressor’s micro-aggression.

And you would be right.

Yeah, that would be responding to a micro aggression with some real aggression.

But I was just giving you an example of the [Trigger warning] nuclear option.

That's for repeat offenders only.

And it's time we start taking micro-aggressions seriously.

So do keep that one in your back pocket, but for only the most serious and egregious repeat micro-aggressors.

The first time it happens...

Say for instance some [Trigger warning] College Republican in a white shirt, red tie, and khaki pants comes up to you and says something offensive like [Trigger warning] "You know how to cook rice, right?"

Just employ a more subtle non-sequitur the first time they micro-aggress.

Say something like, "You know how to run to the moon and teach yourself how to cry in another language, smarty pants?”

They'll have no idea what to say to that. You will have thoroughly confused them and diffused their aggressive, racist bullying mind, replacing it with a docile, off-balance mind that doesn't know what to say next.

Their bully mind will have no way to orient itself in this confusing, unanticipated new world you've created where you neither accepted their bullying nor dignified it with an angry response, which either one would have satisfied the micro-bully.

Another excellent response to micro-aggression if the non sequitur doesn't sufficiently frighten and confused the micro-bully is micro-regression.

So an example would be the micro-aggressor asks his target: "Is that your real hair?"

And the micro-aggressee could say, "Yeah. I just got my hair cut. My friend cutted it for me. Do you think it looks really good? I'm tired. When can we go to the park? We goed yesterday and I slided down the slide Daddy!"

This is kind of a combination of the non sequitur and a micro-regression.

And as you can see, it's not very micro. In just six sentences the micro-aggressee age regresses almost two decades.

Sometimes you have to speak really loud and clear to get through the thick skulls of these micro-aggressors.

By micro-regressing back into the child mindset, you also effectively protect yourself from harmful information.

It simply doesn't exist to you. And remember protecting yourself from harm is the most important goal of micro-sparring.

This is a form of defense against harm for your own sake, and also a commentary on how the aggressor is normalizing the power structures of the Patriarchy and deemed you in need of some Patriarching.

Origins of Micro-Aggression

[Trigger warning]

A scientific study to determine if there is a genetic predisposition to micro-aggression is unnecessary.

It's obvious that the DNA of straight white males predisposes them towards this behavior. You can't blame the poor beasts.

But you don't have to allow yourself to come to micro-harm either.

While developing strategies for micro-sparring and micro-self defense, the ultimate aim of a truly radical and effective Social Justice movement would be to achieve unconditional global micro-apartheid:

The creation of inviolable safe spaces wherein the only people allowed are minorities, women, POC, non-cisgender, non-gender-conforming, LGBTQQIP2SAA, Muslims, religious minorities, Pagans, vegans, animals, sluts, and other victims of the white male Christian hetero normative privilege power structure hierarchy.

Any criticism of this aim is nothing less than blaming the micro-victim.

It's actually micro-blame.

Victim micro-blaming, and micro-slut-shaming are a very real thing.

And don't forget there is nothing worse, no sin more ultimate than social justice activist on social justice activist micro-blaming.

"Maybe she shouldn't have gone to the RNC?" You do not say that!

But yeah, she probably should have known better. What did xe expect? Xe put xirself into that situation with those Nazis.


[Trigger warning]

In conclusion: Mixter Pat was minding mux own business one day in the park, when all of a sudden they were micro-aggressed.

Because they read— and shared— this guide, they micro-defended themselves admirably!

And if you disagree, you can take it up with this mer:

Now share this guide on all your social media channels or you are complicit in centuries of oppressive patriarchy:

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